It turns out that catches DO win matches.

Against the FCO today The Pilgrims did the un-thinkable and managed to hold onto NINE of the thirteen or so catches that were offered to them, thus ensuring a fine 2-0 start to the season. The Pilgrims used six bowlers, all-bar-one of whom benefitted from this new found ability in the field.

However there was obviously some conspiracy going on with the opposition as, at a signal not seen by your reporter, a barrage of wides was sent down presumably to bump up the FCO’s score.

Pilgrims’ fielding was as it always is (with more catching). A steady stream of utterly random encouragement was interspersed with acts of supreme heroism, Kommander charging hither and yon to catch and field, Hansie’s shins taking a real pounding, and bewildering amateurism, split trousers, throwing the ball backwards, bleeding, storming off etc.

The FCO were finally all out (the one non-catch wicket a run-out via Frodo that not even Xero could foul up, though he tried) in time to get to tea just ahead of the rush from the other matches.

Tea was a real disappointment. I’m not being uncharitable – even the home teams were all grumbling about the increased cost and diminishing quality, a couple of our hosts even threatening to start doing tea themselves.

The Pilgrims initial batting line-up took to the field full of confidence. After one ball half the Pilgrims initial batting line up was wandering off to find out which sort of very glittery and expensive duck he had just exhibited. Gussie and Penthouse set about sorting things out.

One member of the opposition may well have been trying to intimidate the batsmen as he asked an umpire to hold his phone as he was “On call”, and hinted darkly that he might have to “Disappear to do something” if Robert Mugabe were foolish to declare himself president again on his watch.

The tactic did not work and no more Pilgrims wickets were lost on the day. Gussie hogged just enough runs to ensure that he did and Penthouse didn’t reach their fifties.

A lovely day, very pleasant opposition and in the end a Pilgrims canter to victory.

Sometimes you’ve got to be the punchline and sometimes you get to tell the joke.